How to Leave the Planet Earth?

I know you’ve been wondering this question since you were three-year-old and were told stories about UFOs. People must have told you a number of lies, including “Oh, you have to be an astronaut to leave this planet and get into space.” Not anymore. I worked diligently for years to find out this hidden secret and summarized it in five simple steps. Before you head out to Elon Musk asking to take you along in his car on next launch, you may want to try these tested steps:

  1. Call ISRO. They’re cheapest in the World, with fares low as 11 cents or INR 7 per kilometre. Their phone number for launch services is +91 80 22178302. If they don’t answer you can reach out to them at Antariksh Bhawan, Bangalore. Explain to them why it’s important that you get away from Earth as soon as possible.
  2. If they do not cooperate, try to find some contact in Prime Minister Office or Parliament House. The phone number for Secretary to PM is +91 11 23013040 and Parliament House is +91 11 23034200. Request them to have a word with ISRO on your behalf.
  3. If you fail to find or establish any contact, you can call overseas partner NASA. Their phone number is +1 731 483 3111. They don’t have friends in PMO or Parliament House either, but they do seem to have little influence over ISRO, so you may as well try.
  4. If that also fails, you may call Dalai Lama for guidance. He guides everyone who’s stuck in miseries of the World. His phone number is +91 1892 221343, and I’m told he’s always present.
  5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing UFO and explain that it’s critical and immensely important you get away from this planet before your credit card bills and phone bills arrive.

(Inspired by Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

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